What will be will be

Over the past few days, I have been experiencing emotional turmoil. I have three brothers. The one in the middle of the three, has somehow, and in some way assumed the role of judge for all matters related to the family.  He has planned a "family reunion" which has in many ways, contributed to the total destruction of the family...or at least for me.
This little "get together" has a price tag of $68.00 per person for the 5 adult siblings, and I use the term "adult" loosely. My section of the family; my husband, myself and my daughter live a life that is pretty much void of things that most of the people of America take for granted. Outside of those who share living expenses inside our home, I have an adult son and two grandchildren. We (the three of us) don't have a house, our car is not paid for and is not in really good shape... We need new living room furniture, our sofa and chair that we have is about 15 years old, shows definite signs of wear and has a couple of holes in the seat cushions. I would like to get a kitchen table with matching chairs, but I don't see that happening anytime in the near future. And by near future, I am thinking maybe about 5 years. I told my brother that I felt $68. was a little more than we could afford at this time. Well, because of that, all hell has broken loose. 
First, his wife called me to let me know that I have to go and, I should to get a job in order to go to this "family" reunion. I stay at home with my adult daughter who has been diagnosed and is struggling with Schizoaffective disorder. She has a really rough time spending any significant time alone, and by significant, I mean 2 to 3 hours,  If you know anything at all about this condition, you will probably understand. She has tried many medications that are supposed to help her, but the onslaught of some of the side effects that those types of drugs oftentimes make one symptom go away, while another weird and unrelated side effect appears, for instance one drug made her lactate, another made her puff up like a balloon.  Sometimes it seems as though the medications aren't quite worth it, and she does not care to use "anti-psychotic" drugs.
Anyway, back to the story...my sister-in-law went on with her tirade of what they call "suggestions" of how I need to do to "participate" in the fun.  To make this section shorter, I got angry as I am getting pretty tired of them making "suggestions" about how, if I only made an effort, I could become a welcome member of the family.  A little later I received an email form my brother stating that I had made some unkind statements to his wife and then he went on with an explanation of how her statements were only "suggestions", about how they loved me and they would be much happier if I would do as they suggest and in the same statement, commented on how I can do better, how the money is not the issue, the issue is that I only care about myself and only have any interest in myself and I don't participate with family get togethers....I have to say here that I "get" to listen to this crap nearly every time I see them.  There comes a time when one has to walk away. They haven't got a clue what I am about and I am no longer interested in their unsolicited "suggestions".  I have to live within my means...bottom line. I can't figure out why they cannot accept that. Why can't they accept the fact that in order to live within my means, I have to pass on some of the things that others can afford to do. It's not that I don't want to go, but after getting chewed out for every "wrong" that has taken place in my life... every time I see them; Why would I really want to? I am not willing to screw up my families rather tight budget to appease them.  I can't. The brother went on about me asking (although I have no recollection of either of these) for his advise and if I was not going to take the advise, I shouldn't ask for it, and how I evidently,  asked him to pay my way and how he was not willing to do that. I asked for nothing from him except that if they charged a per-person fee, it would be more equal.  There are 5 people in my family and easily 25 in theirs. How is $68.00 per adult sibling fair?  All members of my family have a lot more immediate family members (per adult sibling, children of our mother and father) than I do. I give up, I really don't need or want his "advise" or "suggestions".  In fact, I have a suggestion for him and his wife...

A Series of Losses

     Can you call two a series? Probably not.  Earlier this month I lost my oldest nephew. He was a good kid... Kid, he was 53 when he passed. That loss brought back vivid feelings of the loss of my oldest daughter. She has been gone for 11 years now. I still think of her everyday. And just the other day, my son told me that his dad had passed. I have been sitting here thinking about some of the time we had spent together. Those days were laced with turmoil. The man really had a hard time knowing where he lived. Most nights, when he had finished work for the day, he made his way to the local bar and hung out there usually until it closed. It was not a good time for me. I spent most of the days at home taking care of our two children. Then one day, I just couldn't take it anymore, and I left. That was nearly 30 years ago.

Attempted Poetry

I once had a brother named John